Mother's Day 2011

We've established a tradition for Mother's Day.  I get to work in the garden undisturbed the entire day.  Dave takes care of meals and P. It's such a great gift.  I got so much done today. I'm tired and sore and love it!

Every Mother's Day I take inventory of what I've learned about the job of mothering. Each year brings on new challenges with P's development.  However, I find dealing with P's changes is the easier part of parenting.  If I could parent her in a bubble, away from most families I think I'd find the job much easier.  Over the year I've found that it can be hard to find a balance where your child is socialized but not badly influenced. And it's not even the other children I find challenging, it's other parents.

Until P went to preschool I have felt like a fish out of water as a parent.  The families we were surrounded by seemed to have such different expectations of their children, of themselves and of their families as a whole.  To be honest, I found these parents weren't willing to go the extra mile for their children and in many cases seemed "tuned out" to them.  I can respect each family's choices but what I found most annoying about these people was that they criticized me for expecting more.

From the very first day P went to preschool I felt like I found my "herd".  I found parents who were fully committed to their kids.  For example, I have been very, very selective of who I leave P with.  I know it's gotten to the point where some have been insulted because I wasn't willing to leave P in their care.  However, I'll put P's safety over an adult's hurt feelings any day of the week.  I've been criticized for my "over worrying".  At preschool I found mother after mother telling me the same thing.  They are with their children 24/7 because they trust very few people.

So this year I found that not all parents are created equal.  It does take a village to raise a child but it makes it a thousand times easier to raise that child if you find a village with your same values and goals.  This past year I have found life to be much easier.  We have dinner dates and socialize with other families and I never worry about P.  I can relax and enjoy a great meal and a glass of wine with great people.  The families we've befriended long ago and recently grown closer to are similar to our family in their core values. They may have some other differences but spending time with them is so relaxing.  There is no fighting or meanness between the kids.  We all for our children and I'm starting to realize it may be because all of these parents have some pretty great accomplishments of their own. Which brings me to my second big realization.

The more accomplished a woman is before she becomes a mother the better mother she is.  By accomplished I don't neccesarily mean she needs to have gone to Harvard and been VP of something.  I mean the more successful a woman feels in what she has done, ie, if she feel she has accomplished great things then the more confident she is which in turn, makes her a much better mother.  Motherhood is hard for many reasons. One of them is that this is the only job that makes you really take a good hard look at yourself and analyze all of your shortcomings.  The children we raise are a reflection of who we are. The "problems" we find with our child are more often than not coming from us.  We have to change us first to change them.  A confidant person can do that.  Because misery loves company, an insecure parent finds other parents with the same low expectations and they belittle those that challenge themselves and want more.

I'm grateful that this past year I finally shed the heavy weight of bad friendships and returned to our old ones and found great new ones.  I've learned to listen to my inner voice when it I meet new people.  I've also learned that the best way to identify a family's true nature and morals is to watch young children. They are uncensored versions of their parents.  

I feel blessed I am a mom. I feel blessed my parents had high expectations of me and gave me a huge dose of self confidence. And I feel very lucky to have a good village to help me raise my child. 

Tuesday Friends

On Tuesdays we get together with these two friends.  Big E is 6mos older than P.  Little E is a year and a half younger.  When the three of them are together people always ask if they're siblings.  I like this family alot.  Dave has known their dad since they were in photojournalism school together.  They photographed the LA riots. I find it amazing that while all of their friends had their kids years ago Dave and Mr. R ended up having their first child within months of each other.  I find it even more interesting how well we get along with this family, ie, how well us moms are in sync.  We seem to have the same expectations for our kids.  Tuesdays are fun days for kids and moms. 

Favorite Outfits

Yesterday we were in Pasadena.  That city has such great texture!  The gate, the brick and the bike;  such a great backdrop for a picture!  P was wearing one of my favorite dresses and we bought the hat and shoes that very day at Jumping Jellyfish.  

Hat: Sand Cassel Kids

Dress: Tea Collection

Shoes: Livie & Luca

Vegas...Not so good for baby.

The first weekend in April we went to Vegas. Dave had to scout the strip for a movie so P and I tagged along.  Trips that are primarily for Dave's work can be tough.  It's hard to juggle his work needs and P's needs.  This trip was actually better than most.  And I'm glad we went because I realized something.  I won't be going back to Vegas with P until she's in her 20's.  

Vegas is just not for kids.  I don't care what people say. I found it very difficult to explain the simplest yet not so simple things to P.  We got in the hotel elevator at 10 am and in walks a girl who had on an amazing tight, short dress and killer stilettos. She was a high class escort.  P was fascinated by her outfit and shoes.  How do I explain to a 3 year old about the outfit and the woman's career?  And to be honest if I had that woman's body I'd wear the same outfit but there is something different about how an escort carries herself.  I can't even explain it in words now let alone to a 3 year old right in the moment.  

Vegas is an adult playground and people behave accordingly.  Another elevator ride on another day was devoted to the topic of porn. Everyone in the elevator was chatting about it and the word was said so often I thought for sure P was going to come out of there saying "porn, porn, porn".  I didn't say anything to our elevator companions because if I don't want my child hearing these words then I shouldn't take her to "sin city" in the first place.  

We were there for two nights.  The second night I was up in our room by 6pm and didn't dare venture out after. Dave had to shoot at night so it was just P and me. At one point I said screw it and let her watch her show on the iPad while I watched one of my shows on the laptop with one earpiece in.  Not the height of my parenting skills but I figured I owed myself a little vacation.

Despite P's lovely lessons on the wild side we did have a great time.  We got to swim in two pools. The first night we stayed at Caesars. Their pool was fantastic; brilliant and regal! The second night we stayed at Mandalay Bay.  They had a wave pool, a tide pool and about 4 more pools but they weren't as much fun for P as Caesar's.  Mandalay had a great bath tub so I bought a glitter bath bar from Lush in the lobby. We had such a fun time in the tub.  A glitter bath...how Vegas right? I think it was the highlight of P's trip.  She kept saying "this is the best thing you've ever gotten me!"

Dave's schedule was rough but he made sure to spend the day having fun with us. Between phone calls and dealing with his logistics we went to the shark tank at Mandalay Bay. Then the two of them napped and I got a gym workout!  I also got to have my favorite thing while in Vegas....room service!   We had some tasty meals in restaurants and then drove like the wind back home just in time for Dave to start another job.  

Every time we pull off one of these crazy "workcations" I wonder how women like Gwyneth Paltrow do it.  She supposedly was on tour with her husband and Coldplay for almost 2 years when Apple was first born.  Kudos to women like her making family and career work!  I must say though, P is exceptionally easy to travel with.  She loves hotels, which was the reason I decided to tag along with Dave and she just loves adventure.  This little apple didn't fall far from both of her parent trees!

Furry Money

Sesame Street just launched a money lesson for children called For Me, For You, For Later. I haven't gone through the whole thing yet but I love the concept.  My parents were not big earners but they lived well beneath their means.  As a child that translated to hearing a lot of "no" for the things I wanted but I never knew where the money was going.  My parents have four properties completely paid for, no debt and a stellar credit score. 

I don't think I have the best money management skills. But I'm learning. Both Dave and I are. We're hoping to help P avoid our mistakes and give her a better understanding of the value of money.  I like I can now call on Elmo to help explain these concepts to her....and maybe to Dave and me while were at it. 

My Strong Princess

We were invited to a princess birthday party today.  It was soooo over the top and  I hate to say it but..... amazingly wonderful!  As much as I dislike the whole princess mentality I bought into this event.  Watching these girls in their magical world of dress up and pink with Snow White was quite special.  They were so mesmerized and happy it's hard to see the negatives.  Been meaning to read this book. 

I was very proud of P who chose to color a pirate picture instead of a princess. And I LOVED that she decorated her little take home purse with sparkles, a butterfly and a FOOTBALL! When asked what she was going to be when she grew up she said a basketball player.  I have no idea where she got that from. We've never discussed basketball specifically. I love that despite being surrounded by all this girlie girl stuff P was steadfast on who she is.  Love the strength of character I'm seeing so far.   

Poquito Mas

I had a mishap in the kitchen last night. I've spent a good portion of the day cleaning it but it's still in disarray.  Because of the mess I decided to stop off at Poquito Mas to have lunch with P after school.  Did you all know they give the kids a little ball of dough to play with?  It's brilliant. I loved it so much more than crayons! And so did P.