It's NOT about the violin.

What a breakthrough!  Annika has been taking violin since October.  Until yesterday she had only done  many different finger and muscle strengthening exercises. To be honest it's been a struggle.  I got mad at her after last week's class and came close to quitting classes all together.  I know I sound like a tiger mom but you have to hear where I'm coming from.

We started violin because we feel....and know that music is a huge aspect of learning. But, also like sports there is so much a skill like playing an instrument can teach you about life.  Annika chose the violin.  She was excited about it and then it got hard and I saw her focus fly right out the window.  One of Annika's weaknesses is that she only wants to do something if she's good at it.  I'm hoping to help her get comfortable being outside of her comfort zone. Or at least to not run away from it.  You can't accomplish much if you only want to stay in your comfort zone.

So, one thing Annika does very well is steer her ship and everyone in it to where she wants to go.  In violin class she started making jokes, hiding under chairs, talking in funny voices, entertaining her teacher to do anything butt proceed with class.  I talked to her about it. I tried to help her get comfortable. I tried to motivate her with rewards. And every class was torture...for me. Even the teacher said she could see this bothered me more than her.  But I had never seen Annika behave like this.

After last week's class I put my foot down.  I sat her down and was very stern because it's all kind of a joke to her. Mostly what I wanted, and hoped, I got through was that I didn't care if she failed, if she didn't play it right or whatever.  I was mad because she wasn't trying. She wasn't even giving herself the chance to fail or succeed.  That's all I wanted from her. To just try and give herself a chance.

With that conversation I at least got her to practice easier.  We practiced every other day for 15 minutes.    Gemma is always crawling up on Annika's legs when she's playing the violin.  We used her as a focus tool.  If Annika could play with her baby sister at her feet then a solo performance with her teacher would be a breeze.

She had her class again yesterday and what a breakthrough! During the week she finally practiced stroking the strings with her bow.  And during class Annika actually played a song along with her teacher on the piano for the first time! Her teacher was impressed and surprised with her focus.  And I was happy to see her focus come through in a way I've often seen before.  I was mostly happy with the confidence she had acquired throughout the week. I was happy she found the courage to give herself a chance and I was blown away by how impressive she was.  Honestly, I did not expect her first time playing to sound that....competent, for lack of a better word.  Her teacher has been impressive with the way she built her muscle memory to hold the bow and violin and tuned her ear to hear the melodies.

So, again here I am saying that it's not about the violin and her playing. It's about the lessons she is learning. She must have courage and try. Being outside one's comfort zone is actually a thrilling place to be. To gain confidence she must practice.  A little effort with consistency goes a long way.  She has tremendous ability when she stops worrying about failing.

The icing to my cake was when I talked to Annika's teacher at school today.  Turns out her behavior at school is exactly the same as what it's been like at violin when she is challenged.  So, I'm hoping I can now take the lesson learned in violin and apply it to school without me being there.

At any rate, I love watching the video above.  And I love hearing Gemma in the background.    

Christmas Performance

Three weeks ago we went to P's Christmas performance at school.  Dave and I held back tears of pride throughout the whole event. Once it was just the two of us in the car, we let the tears flow. It was one of those moments that you live for as a parent.  The kind of scene you see on TV and movies that makes parenting look so awesome!  And the moment really was.  P was so charismatic up on stage. I must admit she looked so damn cute in her holiday dress. 

The day was going to hold a happy memory forever for me. Then, on our ride home I saw Facebook postings about this thing happening in Connecticut.  No one posted specifics so I Googled it. My stomach sank. While were having a happy parenting moment others across the country were having the worst parent moment imaginable.  Later, when I went to pick P up from school it felt like a privilege.  I thought about the mothers who would never pick up their kids from school again.  I cried. I cried for days.  I can usually brush off sad news events but this really shook me.  

P goes back to school on Monday.  Lucky for us, our holiday break started after that Friday three weeks ago.  Time has mellowed the rawness of the event but I'm still rather nervous about P going back to school.  Logically I know she should be fine but emotionally I feel like I should keep her home.  There was something about all of us being at school at the same time that this horrible thing happened that makes me feel vulnerable. 

We haven't discussed the event with P. It has not been brought up.  We don't watch regular TV so she has not seen it on the news. We threw out front pages of the paper for a few days.  Anyone who has referenced the event has only mentioned it by other random terms; the Connecticut thing or that school thing.  No specifics and never said anything other than referencing it.  I'm debating if we should talk about it. She has not asked about it so I figure it may not be a good idea to bring it up specially now that she's about to go back.  I think she is too young and the kids too close to her age. 

I'm trying to keep the memory of that day a good one. I'm trying to just remember the fun or funny moments. Like this one:

The kindergarten classes were the last to go. The minute the kids hit that stage all the parents filled the first 20 feet of space right in front of it.  We were all like a big crowd of groupies!  I was standing up holding G so I got towards the back to not block anyone.  I wished I had my camera on me. The picture would have been amazing: the kids looking at all us parents and all us parents looking at them with camera phones, video recorders, long lensed SLRs, etc recording every single moments. It was priceless!  Dave was off to the side getting great shots like this one.  Just priceless.  I will try with all my might to keep this memory in my mind forever!  

Homework and Noni

One of P's homework assignments this week was to ask a parent or grandparent about their childhood and see if it was similar or different to hers.  Since my mom, Noni, was just here last week I thought a conversation with her would be more entertaining. We called Noni this evening to find out about her childhood. The conversation went like this:

P: Noni what was your childhood like?

N: Well, it was hard. We had a revolution when I was your age.

P stares blankly into space and I can tell her attention has left after one question. 

Me: P ask Noni if she had a TV (thinking she'd say a small one)

P: Did you have a TV?

N: No.

P: Did you have a phone?

N: Just one for the whole house.

P: What?! What about the cell phone?

N: No. Just one phone for the whole house. No cell phones. They didn't exist. 

P: Did you have a car?

N: No. 

P: What?! So were you poor?

Silence from my mom who is not getting why she'd ask that.  

Me: P, Noni didn't have those things because they didn't exist or because they just came out. Kind of like ipads did not exist when you were born. It's not so much a sign of having money or not. It's that they simply didn't exist.

P: OH! So, did you have a toilet?

N: (she doesn't quite understand what P is asking so there's a silence but she finally answers) Yes!

P: Phew! That was close! I thought you were going to say no!

N: But we just had one.

P: For the entire house?! Wow! We have two. 

P: Did you have a bed?

N: Yes, we all had beds. 

P: Phew!  That's good. That would be tough to not have a bed. 

P: Did you have shoes?

N: Yes but only two or three pairs. 

P: That's it? Why so little?

N: We didn't need more. 

Me: You have more shoes for yourself than Noni's entire house had for all of them. 

N: You know when I was a child we had milk delivered to our door every day. 

P: Did you have Whole Foods?

N: No. We had farmers markets.

P: I've been to one of those!

N: Yes, and we got our bread, meat, beans in different places. There was a store for each of those things, called a bakery and butcher and mill store. 

P: That's a lot of shopping. 

P: Did you have toys?

N: Yes! We had dolls. That was it though. Just dolls. 

P: Why didn't you play with the boy toys then?

N: Because they just had cars. 

P: I like cars. Why didn't you play with cars?

N: Because back in my day girls were not allowed to play with boy's toys.

P: That's terrible! I'd play with the boys toys. 

N: We also had marbles. 

P: Did you have a marble run?

N: What's that?

Me: A track for marbles you build yourself. 

N: No. Just marbles and only a couple. Only the very wealthy kids had more than one or two. 

P: Wow!  

It was such an interesting conversation. I can't believe how much things have changed in the time between my mom and my daughter. I know TV was invented relatively not that long ago but I forgot that my mom, just one generation back, lived during a time before TV.  How different the attitudes of what girls can and can't do from my mom to P. It was such a great homework assignment and something I never would have thought to have P ask my mom! I'm glad I was there to hear it and now am documenting it on this blog...something that wasn't around when I was a kid!