Saturday, January 5, 2013

Christmas Performance

Three weeks ago we went to P's Christmas performance at school.  Dave and I held back tears of pride throughout the whole event. Once it was just the two of us in the car, we let the tears flow. It was one of those moments that you live for as a parent.  The kind of scene you see on TV and movies that makes parenting look so awesome!  And the moment really was.  P was so charismatic up on stage. I must admit she looked so damn cute in her holiday dress. 

The day was going to hold a happy memory forever for me. Then, on our ride home I saw Facebook postings about this thing happening in Connecticut.  No one posted specifics so I Googled it. My stomach sank. While were having a happy parenting moment others across the country were having the worst parent moment imaginable.  Later, when I went to pick P up from school it felt like a privilege.  I thought about the mothers who would never pick up their kids from school again.  I cried. I cried for days.  I can usually brush off sad news events but this really shook me.  

P goes back to school on Monday.  Lucky for us, our holiday break started after that Friday three weeks ago.  Time has mellowed the rawness of the event but I'm still rather nervous about P going back to school.  Logically I know she should be fine but emotionally I feel like I should keep her home.  There was something about all of us being at school at the same time that this horrible thing happened that makes me feel vulnerable. 

We haven't discussed the event with P. It has not been brought up.  We don't watch regular TV so she has not seen it on the news. We threw out front pages of the paper for a few days.  Anyone who has referenced the event has only mentioned it by other random terms; the Connecticut thing or that school thing.  No specifics and never said anything other than referencing it.  I'm debating if we should talk about it. She has not asked about it so I figure it may not be a good idea to bring it up specially now that she's about to go back.  I think she is too young and the kids too close to her age. 

I'm trying to keep the memory of that day a good one. I'm trying to just remember the fun or funny moments. Like this one:

The kindergarten classes were the last to go. The minute the kids hit that stage all the parents filled the first 20 feet of space right in front of it.  We were all like a big crowd of groupies!  I was standing up holding G so I got towards the back to not block anyone.  I wished I had my camera on me. The picture would have been amazing: the kids looking at all us parents and all us parents looking at them with camera phones, video recorders, long lensed SLRs, etc recording every single moments. It was priceless!  Dave was off to the side getting great shots like this one.  Just priceless.  I will try with all my might to keep this memory in my mind forever!  

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